web counter The Madness of MokcikNab: Maaf, Gue Kangen
The Madness of MokcikNab
Motives, movements and melodrama in the life of a thirty something mum.

Saturday, September 02, 2006
Maaf, Gue Kangen

A few nights ago, as we were getting to sleep, Aiysha declared that my husband's eyelashes must be bald by now.
"Why is that, sayang?", I asked, as she slipped her legs underneath the covers.
"All of us miss him so much", she yawned, "he would have lost all of his eyelashes*"
Perhaps so, perhaps so.

The weather is getting to all of us, I think. Blazing days and sweltering nights will do you in, sooner or later, especially if you're not quite right in the first place. Suhaimi is in the throes of some fever he doesn't want us to cure, and he's been neglecting to shower again. Papa Khalid has his catatonic outbursts, often manifesting itself in gyrating hips and arms stretched skyward. Rizal, well, he's quietly enjoying his madness. I think he's the only one getting what he wants. Damn Rizal.

I'm getting used to not having Saiffuddin around, and this is a pretty terrifying thought. It's almost Ramadhan again, and that means he has been living in Jakarta for nearly a year now. A year since there was any real relationship subsisting -- just snatches of visits, long distance phone calls, emails and skype. And promises. It's a relationship subsisting on promises. I'm a man waiting for a train, long overdue.

I crave the normalcy. My life is boring, but I want it back, the things that I do every day. I crave waking up in my own house, with the familiar warm brown arm heavy across my belly. Watching my husband brush his teeth or take a shower (the man never bothers closing the door) Arguing over the headlines. Going for walks and arguing some more. Stealing kisses.

Being a ma'mum. Looking at the soles of his feet for that brief instance before I prostrate.

Ah well. The only way to get through this is to believe there will be a good ending. That train will come. By God, the kids and I will just camp out on the platform until it does.

PS. There is a soundtrack to this post. You can find it here, my shrine to sadness. Visit only if you're in a similar situation or if pre-menstrual. (There may be a problem playing the entire playlist from the site. Try downloading)

* There is a Malay belief that if you have an eyelash dropping off, it means someone is missing you. It could also mean you're using cheap mascara.


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