web counter The Madness of MokcikNab: Interlude
The Madness of MokcikNab
Motives, movements and melodrama in the life of a thirty something mum.

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

My poor blog, I have neglected you. I'm afraid time is a luxury which I don't have at the moment. To keep Elisa happy, I have here a cop-out entry : the song that is playing in my head at the moment.

Stupid -- Sarah McLachlan

Night lift up the shades
let in the brilliant light of morning
but steady me now
for I am weak and starving for mercy
sleep has left me alone
to carry the weight of unravelling where we went wrong
it's all I can do to hang on,
to keep me from falling
into old familiar shoes

how stupid could I be
a simpleton could see
that you're no good for me
but you're the only one I see

love has made me a fool
set me on fire and watched as I floundered
unable to speak
except to cry out and wait for your answer
but you come around in your time
speaking of fabulous places
create an oasis
that dries up as soon as you're gone
you leave me here burning
in this desert without you

everything changes
everything falls apart
I can't stand to feel myself losing control
in the deep of my senses I know
how stupid could I be
a simpleton could see
that you're no good for me
but you're the only one I see

Have you ever seen the video? It depicts Ms McLachlan as a woman who is obviously spoken for, and yet she keeps having an affair with this one man (Angel's David Boreanaz, I think) over different time periods and settings. The clip ends with her and her husband sitting apart, the marriage apparently in ruins.

I had a huge argument with Kamarul once, over the necessity of polygamy and what would count as a good reason for a man to marry another. The row lasted for several days. At one point, he said, "You don't believe that it is possible for a man to love two people at the same time? Sometimes, you can't help these things. You can't control how you feel".

I can't remember who won the argument (I am sure Kamarul will insist he did), but I remembered calling up his wife to hasut her to my side.

It's true, of course that you can't rein in your emotions. The heart is an organ of fire, says Ondaatje. But the mind is also a tool for restraint, and a good judge of consequences. There's always that point, that moment of pause before you cross the line between loyalty and infidelity, where you should ask yourself what the hell you're doing. I do agree, that sometimes there are extenuating circumstances. But when there is none, and you know, deep in your soul this affair, above all else, is an act of selfishness : tell the heart to be still, take a deep breath, have one last look, and walk away. Because I believe, while our feelings may be beyond our control, we act on our own accord and we can act virtuously even in a raging sea.


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