web counter The Madness of MokcikNab: 50 Wishes
The Madness of MokcikNab
Motives, movements and melodrama in the life of a thirty something mum.


Friday, December 22, 2006
50 Wishes

This is post number 37 in Nizam Bashir's excellent blog project, 50 Posts to Independence, which I had followed ever since I read Najah's Post No. 39. (Her blog has links to other posts). I was mortified when my father, who wrote post number 38, tagged me, because I can't think of anything clever to say, really, that won't be accused by others as so much pie in the sky. After ruminating and stewing in thought for about a week, I decided : why bother with being clever, just state your mind, no matter how feeble it may be. I think I have at least earned that kind of independence.

When Malaysia, the contitutional monarchy, turns half a century, I shall, like so many godmothers, bestow upon it 50 wishes. Godmothers are allowed to do whatever they like in Malaysia, since the country is run by fairies. So, here we go :

  1. Any person in parliamentary, executive or judicial office shall swear to truly respect The Federal Constitution of Malaysia, so that the phrase "Keluhuran Perlembagaan" becomes not a meaningless sentence on the back of exercise books.
  2. All freedoms, rights and priveleges guaranteed to the Malaysian citizen under the Articles of the Constitution can be practiced in absolute terms.
  3. Any person wishing to qualify for parliamentary, executive or judiciary office shall be God fearing (any God), morally upright, and kind to their spouses, children and animals.
  4. Any person wishing to qualify for parliamentary, executive or judiciary office must have read any of the following at least once : Ibn Khaldun's Muqaddimah, Gunnar Myrdal's Asian Drama and Harper Lee's To Kill A Mockingbird.
  5. Voters shall add more titles to said compulsory reading list and shall demand book reports.
  6. Any person wishing to qualify for parliamentary, executive or state office must know how to read. The ability to read meters will not be considered an advantage.
  7. The Prime Minister and Deputy Prime Minister of the country shall be decided by popular vote, and not chosen by a handful of priveleged Ketua Bahagians.
  8. All political parties will open its membership to Malaysians of any ethnicity.
  9. There shall no longer be Party Whips, and any member of parliament can be allowed to vote on a Bill according to his or her own conscience and sense of duty to the rakyat.
  10. Anyone proclaiming to be a Party Whip shall be stripped, dressed in leather, and given a public caning with a feather duster.
  11. The original intention of Dasar Ekonomi Baru, namely the eradication of poverty regardless of ethnicity, shall be miraculously implemented without any slimy businessman-politician occuring, nor will it involve name-calling, quotas or GLC's.
  12. All slimy businessmen-politicians shall be deported to Batam, with only one (1) monthly pass to "A1 Nagoya Karaoke" in Bengkong town.
  13. All assets of slimy-businessmen politicians, if found to have been obtained through questionable means, shall be liquefied and deposited into the "Tabung Kemasyarakatan Senyum Kambing", or TKSK.
  14. Funds in TKSK shall be used to benefit retired teachers, people who can't afford their own homes, and estate workers who are still paid daily wages.
  15. Daily wages will be made illegal unless you're a fashion model or starring in a sinetron.
  16. No Malaysian shall ever, ever be without a home.
  17. People who have lived in Malaysia for donkey years, have had children here, and have no intention of leaving for the so-called "mother country", should be given citizenship if their heart so desires.
  18. Malaysians who are Muslims will live up to their duty as God's vicegerents; they shall embody the peace and universality that is Islam; and they shall do so with grace and wisdom, and through exemplary character; not through rules and regulations, not through sermons of fire and brimstone, and certainly not through confrontation. (This was ammended. I can't believe I had not put this one earlier, since it's the most important wish of all)
  19. Any person holding public office shall annually declare their assets and the assets of their immediate families; and do so while hooked to a polygraph, and these declarations shall be published in newspapers.
  20. All keris in Malaysia shall remain sheathed, until two-headed aliens from Jupiter invade the country.
  21. Using the keris for political posturing of any sort shall be deemed a gross disrespect to the centuries-old history of the keris in the Nusantara; and the offence will be punishable by two years of apprenticeship in the workshop of Ki Empu Djeno Harumbrodjo in Sleman, Jogjakarta.
  22. No place of worship can be demolished except by its own congregation. Full stop.
  23. Malaysians shall not have their intelligence insulted by the media. Full stop. Exclamation point.
  24. Any person with any political leaning can acquire any number of newspaper or TV stations in the country, provided the said person does not receive any funding from overseas.
  25. Women who wear tank tops and women who wear hijab shall be friends and respect each other's choices. (Okay, I concede that through the magic of female intelligence, this is already happening)
  26. No man or woman shall judge another woman's religious beliefs, educational level, place of employment, ability to speak English, marital status and sense of humour merely by her attire.
  27. I really don't care if a man gets judged or not.
  28. All Malaysian women shall be deemed gorgeous regardless of her complexion, boob size, weight and whether or not she looks like Amber Chia.
  29. All Malaysian husbands shall be required by law to serve their wives breakfast on Sunday mornings.
  30. No Malaysian shall be ridiculed for his or her religious fervour, or be considered a conservative, backward-thinking, stick-in-the-mud mullah just because he or she decides to adhere to the tenets of his or her religion.
  31. All conservative, stick-in-the-mud mullahs shall mull before they speak, and think of more clever, palatable ways to state their opinions, and shall understand that some people don't mind going to hell and there's nothing one can do about it.
  32. Any Malaysian wishing to compete in Akademi Fantasia, or wishing to be any sort of pop-culture icon with any clout to influence the young, shall first prove he or she obtained Grade 1 in SPM, in the very least.
  33. All Malaysians shall have the right to free education up to his or her First Degree.
  34. Conversational Cantonese or Hakka (depending on the prevailing dialect in the area) and Tamil, with transliteration, shall be taught in all primary and secondary schools.
  35. The syllabus for History shall be expanded to include history beyond Parameswara. Students shall be made to understand that Indian and Chinese influence in Malaysian culture did not start with Hang Li Po or coolies from South India; and that these two civilizations had been closely linked to our lands back in the days of Fu-Lo-An and Langkasuka.
  36. It will be compulsory for all schools to be, at the same time, places of gaining knowledge and having fun.
  37. Headmasters or headmistresses who fail to make learning fun will be rounded up to participate in a play where every character shall wear a tight kebaya regardless of gender.
  38. Said play will be performed at the MCOBA Annual Dinner.
  39. Bahasa Malaysia tidak lagi dianggap sebagai bahasa formal, tetapi digunakan sehari-hari dengan penuh bangga oleh setiap rakyat, kerana Bahasa Malaysia saat itu dirasakan lingua franca Bangsa Malaysia setulus-tulusnya. Bahasa Malaysia akan wujud dengan kosakata yang majmuk, mencerminkan jiwarasa Malaysia yang pelbagai budaya, ditutur dengan mudah, dan bergaul dengan slanga tanpa segan dengan peraturan-peraturan menara gading. Nah, ini lah Bahasa yang akan hidup dan mekar, bukan Bahasa yang jadi laungan sang politikus, bukan Bahasa yang gentar dengan kesejagatan dan peredaran masa.
  40. Malaysians who file their tax assesments early shall receive IKEA vouchers worth RM500.
  41. No one should refer to the Malaysian Peninsular as "Malaysia" when talking to a person from Sabah or Sarawak.
  42. Internet connection shall be made fast and free. Okaylah, maybe cannot free. But certainly we can do better than 100 Mbps.
  43. No blogger shall ever be intimidated by the government, except when his blog clearly contravenes a criminal law. See Wish No 2.
  44. The Malaysian government shall set up its own One Child One Laptop foundation, with our own locally produced Children's Machine.
  45. All Malaysian children shall remain colour blind and be allowed to play with each other and not worry if the other boy's hand has touched pork.
  46. Under a statute hereby known as "Akta Perlindungan Karya-Karya A. Samad Said", after August, 2007, there shall be no new theatre production in which the protagonist is a perempuan joget or a post-war prostitute.
  47. The money gained from the elimination of petrol subsidies will be used to subsidise the publication and import of books, as well as the building of accessible libraries.
  48. Municipal councillors who put up gargantuan brinjals or periuk kera's or gasings at roundabouts or intersections will be incarcerated and forced to memorize the entire Reader's Digest Family Treasury of Great Painters and Great Paintings (1965)
  49. There shall be no more incidence of rape, domestic violence or sexual harrasment in the country.
  50. My daughter Aiysha, who shall have the benefit of Indonesian education, the global wisdom of Disney Channel and Roald Dahl, and then taught by her parents to be fair-minded, fearless, intelligent, and socially responsible, but most of all telegenic; shall be the Prime Minister of Malaysia in the year 2025. And she will not be the first, nor the last female premier.
My father had wanted me to tag my sister Elisa but I will have to demur, I'm afraid. I am dead against nepotism if it's not going to make me any money. Also, I want to add a dash of credibility and glamour to this post, therefore the person I am tagging next is The Mr Jeff Ooi. Sorry to ruin your holiday, Jeff!



........................................................................................................


Comments:
I love your wish list! my fav has got to be no.41... I'm one of those sabahans who get asked how long I've been in Malaysia (sometimes)! :)
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