Just for You, Rotidua

Rotidua (or at least half of the Roti) is my favourite sister in law, since I, uh only have one brother. She tagged me a couple of weeks ago, but I am kinda malas with tags because I hate answering questions, as a general rule. It's those years of being a reporter, you see. But since she's my favourite sister in law and all, plus she's currently managing our finances back in Malaysia, I am obliged to fulfill her wishes. You should always be nice to anyone who sends you money. So, here it is :

THE MOKCIKNAB 101 (cringe, cringe)
-----------------------------------------

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:

1. Eli - if you're allowed to call me this, it means we're related and you were born before 1960
2. Jap - if you know me by this name, please sign a Non-Disclosure Agreement.
3. Mak Engku - generally hollered at me by News Editors, camera crew, audiomen, makeup artists and drivers. Those days.

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:

1. Tengku Elida Bustaman
2. Mokciknab, the occasional blogger
   
3. Monica Bellucci (if you look closely at any of her films, you'd soon realise that Tengku Elida Bustaman and Monica Bellucci are actually, one and the same. That is why you'll never see both of them onscreen, at the same time)

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:

1. This 80's fringe that I have right now, the result of boredom and a pair of orange scissors
2. Dry skin
3. Not Brazilian Waxed. No courage.

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:

1. According to the internet, I'm from Lingga. We always thought we're just from Terengganu.
2. My paternal grandmother was half Javanese.
3. My mother, who was born in Pasir Mas, Kelantan, still has relatives in Pattani.

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:

1. Things related to accounting and finance, particularly my own finance
2. Jakarta being overwhelmed by water (and gasp! this is already happening in parts)
3. Snakes

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:

1. The Five Solat
2. Kunyit asem twice daily, from the jamu woman
3. Breakfast, which consists of Tan Ek Tjoan old-style "Roti Istimewa", with chocolate peanut butter; coffee, made from freshly ground beans bought at Pasar Rumput; and Saiffuddin at my elbow, reading me articles from Kompas or Republika.

THREE OF YOUR MOST TREASURED POSSESIONS:

You only own what you won't lose in a shipwreck, but I'm not going to sea anytime soon, so :

1. People, namely my family and friends
2. My engagement ring, which was made by my late father in law
3. My furniture, wherever they may be

And of course, my books, too but I don't seem to take care of them as well as I should

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:

1. Lacy blue Rampage undies (Rp 5,000 at Rainbow, Bandung)
2. Some ethnic skirt (RM 50 at Giant Kelana Jaya)
3. A cheerful disposition

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:

Oh, so many!

The usual suspects : Queen, U2, Dire Straits, The Cure, Pink Floyd, The Killers, The Ramones, The Clash
Some others : Rufus Wainwright, Chet Baker, Stan Getz, The Dave Brubeck Quartet, Miss Ella Fitzgerald, Smithereens, Cold Chisel, XTC
Indons : Ada Band, Dewa, Padi, Marcel (but not really for his songs)

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE SONGS:

Aiyah, cannot three lah. If I had a playlist right now, this is what it would look like :

Lullabye of Birdland - Ella Fitzgerald
Desafinado - Stan Getz et al
Take Five - Dave Brubeck Quartet
Le Coeur Jameaux - Concrete Blonde
Cigarettes - The Smithereens
Sunday Girl - Blondie
Sheena is a Punk Rocker - The Ramones
Peter Frampton - Do You feel Like We Do
Pretty Girl - Eric Clapton (Saiffuddin tells me this is my song, heh)
Wish You Were Here - Pink Floyd
Friday on My Mind - Gary Moore
Eton Rifles - The Jam
Total Control - The Motels
Bullet The Blue Sky - U2
Private Investigations - Dire Straits

dan banyak, banyak lagi. You come to my house lor and listen.

THREE THINGS YOU WISH YOU HAVE BUT WHICH YOU DO NOT HAVE RIGHT NOW:

1. A job
2. A three storey terrace facing Fawkner Park, in Melbourne
3. Iman yang sempurna

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:

1. Takeshi Kaneshiro
2. Hugh Jackman in an orange towel
3. Freddie Ljunberg in absolutely nothing

but according to Saiffuddin, the three things I should want in a relationship are :

1. sex in the morning
2. sex in the afternoon
3. sex in the evening

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:

1. Saiffuddin, only taller
2. Saiffuddin, only with more money
3. Saiffuddin, only with more teeth

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE HOBBIES:

I'm so ordinary : books, film, music, subjecting husband to torture

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BADLY RIGHT NOW:

1. Go to Jalan Cokroaminoto for steaming hot putu bambu and klepon. So good on a rainy day!
2. See my friends at SSO because I miss them so.
3. Convince my husband to shave his head (Adam tells me the exact term for it is "boxy", ie "botak-sexy")

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:

1. Merang, Terengganu (the refuge of my childhood days)
2. Kyoto, Japan (because I didn't get to see everything the last time)
3. The Wali Songo Route my friend Iza and I are planning : Jakarta-Cirebon-Kudus-Pekalongan-Solo

THREE KIDS' NAMES YOU LIKE:

1. Adam
2. Aiysha
3. Aliya

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
Other than complete my faith as a Muslim, I would want to

1. learn to drive, preferably in a small and expensive Mercedes
2. simplify my complicated toilet routine
3. own every single Monty Python episode and film, and of Fawlty Towers, too if possible

And I'd also want to the usual things lah : inherit large tracts of land, earn lots of money, control my bowels, learn the mysteries of the cistern, et cetera et cetra.

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A WOMAN, WIFE AND MOTHER:

1. I think my children's every shortcoming is due to my fault
2. My husband gets to worship me every morning; but
3. I'd rather have furniture than have sex

Hopefully, no one will try to figure me out just by reading this post. I'm not going to tag anyone, can or not?

mokciknab muttered at 5:23 pm ~ ~

50 Wishes

This is post number 37 in Nizam Bashir's excellent blog project, 50 Posts to Independence, which I had followed ever since I read Najah's Post No. 39. (Her blog has links to other posts). I was mortified when my father, who wrote post number 38, tagged me, because I can't think of anything clever to say, really, that won't be accused by others as so much pie in the sky. After ruminating and stewing in thought for about a week, I decided : why bother with being clever, just state your mind, no matter how feeble it may be. I think I have at least earned that kind of independence.

When Malaysia, the contitutional monarchy, turns half a century, I shall, like so many godmothers, bestow upon it 50 wishes. Godmothers are allowed to do whatever they like in Malaysia, since the country is run by fairies. So, here we go :

1. Any person in parliamentary, executive or judicial office shall swear to truly respect The Federal Constitution of Malaysia, so that the phrase "Keluhuran Perlembagaan" becomes not a meaningless sentence on the back of exercise books.
2. All freedoms, rights and priveleges guaranteed to the Malaysian citizen under the Articles of the Constitution can be practiced in absolute terms.
3. Any person wishing to qualify for parliamentary, executive or judiciary office shall be God fearing (any God), morally upright, and kind to their spouses, children and animals.
4. Any person wishing to qualify for parliamentary, executive or judiciary office must have read any of the following at least once : Ibn Khaldun's Muqaddimah, Gunnar Myrdal's Asian Drama and Harper Lee's To Kill A Mockingbird.
5. Voters shall add more titles to said compulsory reading list and shall demand book reports.
6. Any person wishing to qualify for parliamentary, executive or state office must know how to read. The ability to read meters will not be considered an advantage.
7. The Prime Minister and Deputy Prime Minister of the country shall be decided by popular vote, and not chosen by a handful of priveleged Ketua Bahagians.
8. All political parties will open its membership to Malaysians of any ethnicity.
   
9. There shall no longer be Party Whips, and any member of parliament can be allowed to vote on a Bill according to his or her own conscience and sense of duty to the rakyat.
   
10. Anyone proclaiming to be a Party Whip shall be stripped, dressed in leather, and given a public caning with a feather duster.
    
11. The original intention of Dasar Ekonomi Baru, namely the eradication of poverty regardless of ethnicity, shall be miraculously implemented without any slimy businessman-politician occuring, nor will it involve name-calling, quotas or GLC's.
12. All slimy businessmen-politicians shall be deported to Batam, with only one (1) monthly pass to "A1 Nagoya Karaoke" in Bengkong town.
13. All assets of slimy-businessmen politicians, if found to have been obtained through questionable means, shall be liquefied and deposited into the "Tabung Kemasyarakatan Senyum Kambing", or TKSK.
14. Funds in TKSK shall be used to benefit retired teachers, people who can't afford their own homes, and estate workers who are still paid daily wages.
15. Daily wages will be made illegal unless you're a fashion model or starring in a sinetron.
16. No Malaysian shall ever, ever be without a home.
17. People who have lived in Malaysia for donkey years, have had children here, and have no intention of leaving for the so-called "mother country", should be given citizenship if their heart so desires.
18. Malaysians who are Muslims will live up to their duty as God's vicegerents; they shall embody the peace and universality that is Islam; and they shall do so with grace and wisdom, and through exemplary character; not through rules and regulations, not through sermons of fire and brimstone, and certainly not through confrontation. (This was ammended. I can't believe I had not put this one earlier, since it's the most important wish of all)
    
19. Any person holding public office shall annually declare their assets and the assets of their immediate families; and do so while hooked to a polygraph, and these declarations shall be published in newspapers.
    
20. All keris in Malaysia shall remain sheathed, until two-headed aliens from Jupiter invade the country.
21. Using the keris for political posturing of any sort shall be deemed a gross disrespect to the centuries-old history of the keris in the Nusantara; and the offence will be punishable by two years of apprenticeship in the workshop of Ki Empu Djeno Harumbrodjo in Sleman, Jogjakarta.
22. No place of worship can be demolished except by its own congregation. Full stop.
23. Malaysians shall not have their intelligence insulted by the media. Full stop. Exclamation point.
    
24. Any person with any political leaning can acquire any number of newspaper or TV stations in the country, provided the said person does not receive any funding from overseas.
    
25. Women who wear tank tops and women who wear hijab shall be friends and respect each other's choices. (Okay, I concede that through the magic of female intelligence, this is already happening)
26. No man or woman shall judge another woman's religious beliefs, educational level, place of employment, ability to speak English, marital status and sense of humour merely by her attire.
27. I really don't care if a man gets judged or not.
28. All Malaysian women shall be deemed gorgeous regardless of her complexion, boob size, weight and whether or not she looks like Amber Chia.
    
29. All Malaysian husbands shall be required by law to serve their wives breakfast on Sunday mornings.
30. No Malaysian shall be ridiculed for his or her religious fervour, or be considered a conservative, backward-thinking, stick-in-the-mud mullah just because he or she decides to adhere to the tenets of his or her religion.
31. All conservative, stick-in-the-mud mullahs shall mull before they speak, and think of more clever, palatable ways to state their opinions, and shall understand that some people don't mind going to hell and there's nothing one can do about it.
    
32. Any Malaysian wishing to compete in Akademi Fantasia, or wishing to be any sort of pop-culture icon with any clout to influence the young, shall first prove he or she obtained Grade 1 in SPM, in the very least.
33. All Malaysians shall have the right to free education up to his or her First Degree.
34. Conversational Cantonese or Hakka (depending on the prevailing dialect in the area) and Tamil, with transliteration, shall be taught in all primary and secondary schools.
35. The syllabus for History shall be expanded to include history beyond Parameswara. Students shall be made to understand that Indian and Chinese influence in Malaysian culture did not start with Hang Li Po or coolies from South India; and that these two civilizations had been closely linked to our lands back in the days of Fu-Lo-An and Langkasuka.
36. It will be compulsory for all schools to be, at the same time, places of gaining knowledge and having fun.
    
37. Headmasters or headmistresses who fail to make learning fun will be rounded up to participate in a play where every character shall wear a tight kebaya regardless of gender.
38. Said play will be performed at the MCOBA Annual Dinner.
39. Bahasa Malaysia tidak lagi dianggap sebagai bahasa formal, tetapi digunakan sehari-hari dengan penuh bangga oleh setiap rakyat, kerana Bahasa Malaysia saat itu dirasakan lingua franca Bangsa Malaysia setulus-tulusnya. Bahasa Malaysia akan wujud dengan kosakata yang majmuk, mencerminkan jiwarasa Malaysia yang pelbagai budaya, ditutur dengan mudah, dan bergaul dengan slanga tanpa segan dengan peraturan-peraturan menara gading. Nah, ini lah Bahasa yang akan hidup dan mekar, bukan Bahasa yang jadi laungan sang politikus, bukan Bahasa yang gentar dengan kesejagatan dan peredaran masa.
    
40. Malaysians who file their tax assesments early shall receive IKEA vouchers worth RM500.
41. No one should refer to the Malaysian Peninsular as "Malaysia" when talking to a person from Sabah or Sarawak.
    
42. Internet connection shall be made fast and free. Okaylah, maybe cannot free. But certainly we can do better than 100 Mbps.
43. No blogger shall ever be intimidated by the government, except when his blog clearly contravenes a criminal law. See Wish No 2.
    
44. The Malaysian government shall set up its own One Child One Laptop foundation, with our own locally produced Children's Machine.
45. All Malaysian children shall remain colour blind and be allowed to play with each other and not worry if the other boy's hand has touched pork.
    
46. Under a statute hereby known as "Akta Perlindungan Karya-Karya A. Samad Said", after August, 2007, there shall be no new theatre production in which the protagonist is a perempuan joget or a post-war prostitute.
    
47. The money gained from the elimination of petrol subsidies will be used to subsidise the publication and import of books, as well as the building of accessible libraries.
48. Municipal councillors who put up gargantuan brinjals or periuk kera's or gasings at roundabouts or intersections will be incarcerated and forced to memorize the entire Reader's Digest Family Treasury of Great Painters and Great Paintings (1965)
49. There shall be no more incidence of rape, domestic violence or sexual harrasment in the country.
50. My daughter Aiysha, who shall have the benefit of Indonesian education, the global wisdom of Disney Channel and Roald Dahl, and then taught by her parents to be fair-minded, fearless, intelligent, and socially responsible, but most of all telegenic; shall be the Prime Minister of Malaysia in the year 2025. And she will not be the first, nor the last female premier.

My father had wanted me to tag my sister Elisa but I will have to demur, I'm afraid. I am dead against nepotism if it's not going to make me any money. Also, I want to add a dash of credibility and glamour to this post, therefore the person I am tagging next is The Mr Jeff Ooi. Sorry to ruin your holiday, Jeff!

mokciknab muttered at 7:52 am ~ ~

We Can't Spell, But We Can Headbutt

Friday night, one Logitech webcam, Windows Moviemaker, and two boys adamant on staying up.

Andrew, our neighbour from Malaysia, came for a weekend sleep-over; though sleep was never part of it. See, here.

mokciknab muttered at 6:48 pm ~ ~

Yesterday morning, Saiffuddin and I drove to Jalan Cik Ditiro to buy fried sukun, and as we were parking our car, out came a naked man from behind Hero Supermarket. He was about 50 years old and casually walked around in absolutely nothing and looked quite happy doing it. I made Saiffuddin drive another round because I didn't want to buy fried sukun while looking at someone's bushy pubic hair.

He later walked around Menteng, joyfully naked, and my jamu woman later remarked that people enjoying a morning meal at Taman Suropati thought it was quite distasteful of him to spoil their breakfast that way.

mokciknab muttered at 11:56 am ~ ~

Please Confirm Itinerary

Hello, the one who is concerned. If you have time to read this blog, it means you can't be that busy. I'm pasting the itinerary here because I am too lazy to blog about what is really happening, and since I would have to write a lot in this itinerary anyway, it might as well qualify as a post.

Okaylah, cannot be so lazy mah. Must feed the hungry blog monster. Here is what I have been doing :
Saiffuddin and I went to see the Jakarta Jazz Festival, or "Jazz in the Park", last Friday, and were greeted on arrival by a huge billboard featuring the Jakarta governor playing an instrument (oh, I forget which. It was some percussion). Alas, I failed to bump into Ahmad Dhani even though apparently, he was there on the same evening I was. Well, perhaps it was not the best time to look out for rock musicians. The festival had about 9 stages where various acts were presented, including of course the requisite "bule" performers. I'd say it was a missed note samba, some were good, some were lounge music masquearading as jazz. The "bule" stuff were awful -- they were mostly cover bands, and everything was covered, from Nina Simone to Julie Andrews. Bleaghh.

But worth the price of admission were the the hard-boiled Indonesian jazzmen. Kiboud Maulana and his band, as well as the chanteuse Coco York were phenomenal. Kiboud Maulana looks like your Uncle Chong the retired accountant, and his band members look equally ledger-like (okay, the drummer looks like he was an LLN technician back when it was called LLN), but they can really, really play. Kiboud Maulana had a guitar that was on fire. He didn't move much, in fact he wears the same expression as Uncle Chong when Uncle Chong waters the garden, but believe me, Kiboud's guitar was on fire. Coco York had a voice that was a caramel latte with cigarretes; and she had more soul than the entire park put together. My only regret was when she offered to sing Corcovado, the crowd seemed not to know the song, so she sang a blues number instead.

After Uncle Chong, we went over to watch Tompi, but we had to stand way at the back, as understandably, legions of his fans had already occupied all of the seats. Tompi and his Groovology put up a slick show, but it wasn't a display of musical vitrtuoso, which you would expect at a jazz concert. I guess his mistake was inviting Indon pianist non-pareil, Idang Rasjidi to join him on stage and play impromptu at the beginning of the show, because after that, everyone else sounded mediocre. Tompi himself, however, wasn't dissapointing, although I had hoped he would do the Nanggroe Acheh song that evening. Maybe he wanted to keep things safe.

We went from venue to venue after that, because I had this urge to hear some horns and there was none to be found. Most acts were guitar and keyboard, and therefore mostly funk. Not all were bad, but I won't be rushing out to buy their albums. I was adamant to get my ticket's worth, and I didn't want to pay the extra hundred rupiah to watch Salena Jones in the main hall, unless Salena Jones decides she'd play the alto sax. Finally, just before we were about to give up and head home, Saiffuddin and I dipped our heads into the smoky Impro Stage, and there was Canizzaro and Mus Mujiono, who looks like Brian May if Brian May had too much tempe. Oh, they were smokin'. It wasn't long before you got lost in every breath that came out of their sinous brass instruments, every heartbeat the drum made, every wail of the guitar. I didn't know most of the compositions, but it did seem as though they made them up as they went along, which is what jazz is all about. Oh, I did know one song, the Mus Mujiono hit that he sang that night : Arti Kehidupan. It had a catchy refrain, which went : Engkau bukan yang pertama, tapi pasti yang terakhir, di cintamu, ku temui arti hidupku. So nice.

Perhaps Friday wasn't a good night to sample the best that JakJazz had to offer, but I only had one night off from being mommy. I would have wanted to see Luluk Purwianto and her violin, and I would have wanted to hear the Big Band and the Latina combos that would have probably rocked everyone later on. Also, I am not as knowledgeable about Indonesian jazz as I would have liked, which might have helped me in my selection of acts. But all in all, Saiffuddin and I enjoyed ourselves and we would be searching for more gigs featuring these magnificent Indonesian jazz musicians.

One thing I liked about the festival was that it wasn't an exclusivist affair. Everyone was welcome : there were the young enthusiasts, dressed in black, with their pretty girlfriends, the young-in-the-80's jazz crowd, and then there were also the lovely Indonesian tante-tante's, sitting there in the dark with their handfans and their pearls, or bedecked in colourful tudung, holding hands with their batik-shirted husband. No matter what they call jazz -- and everyone has a right to listen to what they like and call it good -- everyone had a good time. I like.

But next time, more brass!

I know I'm supposed to write down someone's holiday itinerary, but I got carried away with my review, so next post yah?

mokciknab muttered at 5:02 pm ~ ~